Peyton's birthday. I am sad today. I force myself to go through his things...the outfit he had on the day he died, his favorite Big Bird toy, his jammies that I have never washed (they still smell like him), his baby book and the home video's. I try to be strong and not let anyone see me cry. It has been 10 years and each birthday is just as hard as the last. I miss him. I wish my memories of him weren't so painful.
Celeste asked if we could go to the cemetery today and take him a balloon and she wants to make him a special picture. I think it's sweet how much she loves a brother that she has never met. She has told me many times that she can't wait to get to Heaven and meet him. And I have told her many times that Heaven is going to be more beautiful than anything we could ever imagine and that knowing Peyton is there waiting for us makes it that much sweeter.
Thank you God for the short time you allowed me to know him and how my life was changed because of him. Please give him an extra hug from me today and tell him that I love him with all my heart.
And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you. John 16:22
2 comments:
Jess, words cannot express how sorry I am that you had to go through this tragedy 10 years ago. But, I am happy that you came to know the Lord through it all. Even though I was never able to meet Peyton he holds a special place in my heart & I can't wait to personally give him a hug in Heaven!!! I'm praying for you today & hope God gives you that extra special grace you need to make it through.
I cannot imagine the depth of the pain you feel today. I knew 10 years ago that it was a difficult thing you had to go through but now that I'm a mother I am AMAZED by the strength God has given you. I love you guys and I love the example that you have been to me.
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