Feldpausch Family Pictures Fall 2011

We had our family pictures taken at Bertha Brock Park in Ionia when my brothers came home this fall. Or Martha Brock Park as my sister would call it....

More Family Pictures

Cute Drawings

I love when my kids make me pictures! These are some of the cute ones they have done for me lately. You can bet they earned a place of honor on the refrigerator!


Celeste drew this picture of her and I canning green beans.


This is a school paper Trevor did. The picture that he drew to go with the story made me laugh. I love the arrows he added.


Shiloh said this was her family eating dinner together.

Another Year Goes By....

Many friends who were never able to meet Peyton have asked me to share the events of his life. It’s a difficult thing to remember but I felt that it would be a wonderful way to honor him and hopefully be a blessing to others. This is the story of Peyton Lee Moore.

Peyton was a sweet boy with soft blonde hair and a quiet disposition. He had parents that had no idea what they were doing but inspite of their lack of wisdom he loved them anyway. When I think of his life I try to remember the sweet moments of reading him books, singing and holding him close while we danced around a room. I think of how much he loved trucks and the day we took him to the Discount Tire and he HAD to touch all the tires in the showroom.
He was daddies boy without a doubt. My sisters could make him laugh and smile like nobodies business. For fun he would shut off the TV while Uncle Chad was watching football and he would never allow Uncle Jason to touch his toys. He had a family that loved him.
January 14, 2000 we had planned to have his first birthday party at Pizza Hut. His birthday was on the 13th but we waited to celebrate it on a Friday. I dropped him off at daycare that morning and he was very upset with me leaving him there. My last memory of him alive is his crying little face and outreached hands. The day care provider shooed me out the door and insisted he would be fine.
Shortly after I arrived to work I received a phone call. The voice on the other end told me that my Peyton wasn’t breathing. I felt like my whole body had been shocked and I was numb with fear. Racing down the halls of the school all I could do was scream. I remember running into a house and seeing a man working on his little body. I was hysterical and begging him to hurry up. I had never felt such terror. The ambulance took him away and I wasn’t allowed to ride along because of my distress. I rode with a volunteer EMT and we followed the ambulance to the emergency room. The team there did all they could while I sat back feeling helpless and alone. And then the final news…I heard the Dr. expressing his condolences and saw the nurses looking at the ground with tears rolling down their faces. The pain I felt was all consuming, paralyzing pain. There would be no birthday party that night.
The days to follow were agonizing. I cried myself to sleep and woke up to tears streaming down my face. We had to make decisions that I never imagined would have to be made. I remember going to the funeral home and being taken to a room lined up with little caskets and sobbing uncontrollably as Shawn hugged me tightly to him. You cannot imagine the brokenness.
The autopsy report that came back stated that Peyton was found by the day care provider lying face down on a couch cushion with a blanket coving his head and body. The cause of death was determined as natural causes. But year’s later studies are now showing that many infant/child deaths are being misdiagnosed as natural causes or SIDS when in actuality they are suffocations, be it accidental or homicide. When an adult suffocates they will show signs of distress such as popped blood vessels in the eyes or other obvious signs. Dr.’s are now saying that a child can suffocate and show no signs at all and that the only way to be sure is an investigation of the scene of death. The leading causes of suffocation in infants/young children is, soft sleeping surfaces, excessive use of blankets and sleeping position. Peyton had all three.
At the funeral and the months to follow, the outpouring of love and acts of kindness received from family, friends, and even strangers was amazing to me. It’s moments like these that make you realize how much people do love and care and its moments like these that will change you forever. I felt God during this time so strongly. I felt Him telling me its ok, he’s with me and I’m taking care of him now and I believed that with all my heart. I had a dream one night after the funeral that I was looking for Peyton and then I realized he was gone and I was crying. I looked out a window and saw him there in Gods arms and he looked so peaceful. That dream gave me so much comfort.
It was in this valley of my life I realized how much I needed the Lord. I realized that without him I was weak and nothing. I understood what He had done in sacrificing his own son and how much he wants us to turn to Him for everything. God loves us so much that he sent his son to die and pay for the sin that we commit. Think about that! What an amazing sacrifice. I stopped trusting in myself and put all my faith in Jesus. I asked Him to take the reigns of my life. Because of that, I am not the same person I used to be. And while my heart aches for my little man, I find immeasurable comfort in knowing that because of my faith I will see him again.
Since Peyton's death God has blessed me and blessed me over again. He has given me a life with so much peace and joy attached to it. I have a husband that adores me and four more beautiful children to love on. I have a family that I wouldn't trade for anything and I have friends that encourage me and a church family that loves me. God is so good to me and faithful in all his promises. I am thankful.

Shiloh At The Dentist

My little girl had her first trip to the dentist. She was so excited to have the dentist count all her teeth and let her pick out a special toothbrush. It was so sweet to see her sitting in the chair like a big girl:)

Annual Moore/Hodgkiss Christmas Party

Every Christmas my friend Carly and I get our kids together for a small party. It's a fun tradition I hope we always keep up! This year the kids decorated graham cracker houses and had a small gift exchange.

New Year 2012

2011 is over. This past year certainly has been a whirl wind for me and full of many trials and blessings. It started out with an unexpected surprise that we would have another child to love and watch grow. Then with the pregnancy came health issues like anemia, back pain, and a new allergy to adhesives. We also had a scare with the ultra sound that something may have been wrong with baby. This year also brought reconciliation between myself and two family members that I love dearly. I thank God for that. Along with the blessings came times of sadness. I think about our friend Pete that took his own life. What a sweet and funny person he was and loved by so many. I also think of my sister and her husband and the loss of their baby girl Alayna. She is buried next to our own little guy. I hurt for her and know the pain she is experiencing. It's a pain that only those who have experienced the death of a child would understand. It's a pain that cuts deep and never really completely heals.
Then along with the hurt came the joy of bringing Kodah Jack into this world, but also knowing that this would be a difficult thing for my sister to endure. I am sure it made her arms feel just that more empty seeing our baby and wishing hers was here to hold. Nothing I could say would be a comfort. All I can hope is that she knows how much God and the people around her love her.
The end of 2011 brought yet another very difficult and personal trial that I am going through. It's one of those valleys in life that for a moment really tested my faith. I found myself questioning God...WHY would he allow me to go through this, doesn't he KNOW I've been through enough trials in my life??? For a fleeting moment I actually considered throwing the towel in...but then I got into God's word and he comforted me and encouraged me in a way only he can. I read in 1 Corinthians 13.

1Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

For 2012 I have decided to memorize these verses and keep them hid in my heart for the valleys that may come in life. God never promised he wouldn't send the trials, but he does promise to get us through them if we seek his face. It's a promise I am clinging to.

My hope for anyone that took the time to read this post is that you too will seek His face in all things in 2012 and if you have never trusted in Christ, that you will come to a point where you realize your need for Him. He died for our sins, took our punishment of hell. It is our faith in this truth alone that will set us free from our sin. May you believe this truth, claim it for your own and allow Jesus to transform you.

God bless you in 2012!!

Time to Paint

The cutest little artists.


These ice cube trays are perfect for holding paint.

Christmas with Grammy and Poppy

We had such a great time at my parent's house this year. My mom made a great spread of food and we gorged ourselves all day long. They of course spoiled all of us, just like they do every year. Celeste got her first American Girl Doll from them, something she had been wanting for two years. She told me she almost cried when she opened it:)

Christmas 2011

My mom and sisters.

Baby Stalker

Can you guess who loves baby? Shiloh cannot get enough of her little brother. I have been tripping over her ever since we brought him home. She is right there at all times wanting to help burp him, change his diaper, give him a bath and of course hold him. Our Kodah clearly is not lacking in attention at this house!

Mr. Grumpy Pants

Kodah is doing so well now that his shoulder is healed up. He has been my most content and easy baby to take care of. I laugh at him all the time though because he can make the grumpiest faces!! Love my little grumpy pants:) Can you tell he is a good eater??

Fun Pictures

My friend Lois came by on Saturday and took some really cute newborn pictures of Kodah and some pictures of the girls dressing up. Trevor was to busy helping Dad cut wood to be bothered with pictures:)


Check them out at:

www.sunshineportraitstudio.photoreflect.com